wHy.....

there are many things that cause me to ask the question WHY... 

some silly like....

why does think it is ok to follow behind a young boy with flaming hot Cheetos just in case the kid drops one & he can eat it off the ground. His answer "i am hungry".                                                                                                       

my answer "stomp on the Cheetos so that he does not eat 

...you have a gatorade & gelato in your hands!"
            AND

why did i order my book in LARGE print...

it is like carrying around a brick
& I don't even wear glasses.

and some serious like....

why was my dad out of a job for the past two years? 

yes, during that time, i had my fair share of why questions - 

why us Lord? 

Why now? 

Why aren't you listening? 

Why not that job? 

Why is this taking so long? 

Why do they always go with the internal candidate? 

You are all powerful, why can't you move in someone's heart & mind to make a decision to hire my dad?

i seem to be taking this questions approach to the Lord in more than just this department of my life. 

good or bad thing? i am not sure.  

maybe it is me thinking that i could solve this problem faster & better so i ask questions to help the Lord come up with a great plan? 

who do i think i am that God needs my help? 

maybe it is how the Lord is choosing to teach me in this season of life? 

maybe it is a lack of trust that the Lord's plans for me 

are WAY better than anything i could come up with?

Maybe it is my stubborn spirit refusing to begin the refining process? 

Regardless of the motives behind my questions, the Lord has turned these questions into teaching me many things about Him over the last couple years. 

i am learning that my why questions are 100% heard & understood by God, 

but God is not a vending machine. 

With a vending machine, you put in the money 

& know exactly what kind of snack you are getting back - 

the one you selected of course. 

With the Lord, you put in your questions and requests (paralleling the money) 

& you have NO idea what he is going to put in the slot for you to grab 

or how long it might take to drop into the slot,

(perhaps like a broken vending machine for symbolism sake 

but only if broken vending machines were awesome) 

but you do know   

it will be the best thing for you. 

So when I put in my requests & expected them to come out exactly how i ordered 

and it didn't, 

i found myself putting up barriers in my relationship with the Lord 

rather than fully leaning into the refining journey that the Lord planned for me 

while my family & i waited for the awesome snack. 

So if you can imagine with me,

 what do you do while you are waiting for the snack to drop? 

You might kick it hard, 

you might yell, 

you might even cry because you are so frustrated, 

you might ask someone for help, 

you might unplug the machine 

& plug it back in for ANY glimmer of hope that this snack will drop. 

Then you might shake it 

and YES the snack moves just a little 

& then you get others to help you shake it - no progress. 

and then, 

FINALLY, 

the vending machine super hero walks up 

& says "guys guys, let me get that for you" 

& he takes the candy out of the machine 

and places it right into your hands, 

barely breaking a sweat...

WHAT?!?! 

Well let me tell you - 
at moments in this journey, 
i think my whole family could say we wanted 
to kick, 
scream, 
laugh at silly things people told us (like my dad needing to shave his mustache),
smile because we were SO encouraged by the amazing community of people around us,
scream again because we saw the "snack" move & then stop,
& then slump down in a deep, comfy chair
until the Lord pulled us up for another round.
All those moments when my dad & the rest of us were tired & wondering WHY, 
I am sure the Lord was shaking his head saying,
GUYS GUYS this is not the best "snack" for your dad and the rest of us 
so WAIT for ME 
to give you my best! 
This is a process!
So we wait, 
are encouraged, 
wait, 
rest in who God is & his promises, 
wait, 
learn something else to refine us in our walks with him 
and THEN..

the vending machine super hero! 

(Side note, the vending machine super hero does NOT  portray accurate characteristics of God - like God was with us through the whole process. He didn't just show up one day. There are definite theological loop holes in this analogy, but there are some similarities. Go with it.... )

on october 15th, 
bob clark, a long time family friend, 
shows up on our doorstep one Friday afternoon, 
after a long interview. 
He has been contacted out of the blue for a job in Pleasanton. 
The Lord laid it on his heart to go into his next interview saying 
my dad and him come as a package deal. 
You get Bob, you get Bill. 
Tears came down 
as Bob told my parents,
the company agreed
& the deal moved faster than we could keep up with! 
My dad interviewed in Pleasanton that Monday, 
Tuesday received a contract, 
Wednesday signed papers, 
& Thursday was his first day of work! 
Clearly a gift from the Lord & an answer to prayer  - 
THE LORD HAD PLACED THE SNACK RIGHT IN MY DAD'S HANDS!!! 

HE HAS IT UNDER CONTROL, 

He is enough, 

his timing is greater than my own, 

he is our provider,

his character is never changing, 

he is faithful 

he is strong when i am weak.

i am so encouraged by the example my parents set for each of us kids 
as well as the many people involved in their lives. 
For two years, they stuck close to God's side, 
pursuing him wholeheartedly, going to his Word & prayer for answers. 
Yes, they had normal human reactions like getting mad & frustrated, 
but they never failed to remind us that through the ups and downs  
God is still God & he is faithful to those who love him. 
They new the best snack would come as long as they stuck with the Lord. 


Looking back as a family over the two years, 
we were all encouraged at how faithful the Lord 
was to always provide prospective jobs. 
There was never a day that a job was not brewing 
or dad wasn't waiting to interview or hear back 
or working on a project. 
When one door closed, another opened. 
How faithful God was to keep him busy, 
give him perseverance, 
& even give him humor in the process. 
i could not be prouder of my dad!


It was evident that the Lord used this time for many things - 
for my parents to grow stronger & deeper in their relationship with each other, 
for the Lord to speak through my mom each week to the 80 women in her Bible Study who were also going through trials, 
for the Lord to allow them the strength to pour out on other married couples, 
for my dad to be more involved in his tennis game & those relationships,
for us kids to walk through this in our different ways & learn more about the Lord, 
for others to be encouraged that the Lord is working even when we can't see it, 
for our family to be more closely bonded,
for the reminder that prayer is important & softens your heart,
and the list just keeps going! 
God's glory shone through these why questions 
because He taught us all more about himself! 


He always listens, but He answers in his timing. 
He answers in a way that will always bring his name glory 
so that others might come to know him. 
Why it took two years for this time to come, 
I will never know, 
but I do know these things....
being in process means it is all about perspective. 
i know the Lord appreciates us sharing our genuine & honest heart before Him with ALL our questions, joys, pains, hurts, burdens, etc. 
BUT it is our willingness to stick with him 
& to replace our perspective with the Lord's perspective. 
I can only surrender my responses to the Lord in difficult times as i spend time with him, reflect on his character, & read his word so that i build my trust in him & attempt to see things how He does. 
these are truths that i can cling to. 
I know he is trying to drill this concept into my head 
& it takes discipline to be obedient. 
Seems much easier to complain, mope, compare, make excuses, lose your faith, 
but really how much greater to cling to the hope that only comes from walking with the Lord through the ups & downs. 

PSALM 66

our rejoicing prayer on October 20th,

the day the Lord provided his perfect

JOB!

LET US NEVER FORGET WHAT GOD HAS DONE FOR US!